Emotional Decisions

Why do we make decisions that may not be wise? Emotions?
My recovery after last weeks run was not going well both emotionally and physically. Besides my body giving me signals by way of weak legs, creaky joints and my heart twitching (which is nothing new for me after hard efforts), I was second guessing my decision to DNF at the Nueces 50 last week. I shared my physical condition with a good friend who advised me not to run the 10 mile Prickly Pear race I was contemplating. Maybe I should wait another few days to run.
Showing up at the race site Saturday to volunteer, I met with many in our group for what I thought would be 5 hours of cheering fellow runners on at the 50K and 10 mile event. As we were setting up and greeting the lead 50K runners, another friend shows up with his race packet and says, " I thought you were running the 10 miler Tony."
Telling him I decided not to, someone says, "Go ahead and run Tony, We have enough help here." Others, were also encouraging as the first guy winked his eye at me. "We can run easy and coast without blowing up." He said. I did not have running shorts with me and stated that only to be offered shorts by someone who had a pair in their car. "OK" I said. " You talked me into it.".
At the start line I talked and laughed with friends wondering how I should run this race. I run because I enjoy the feeling it gives me but the competitive spirit lives in us all. As runners we want to compete with ourselves as well as others. Most of us do. That's why we toe the line. In my mind I was thinking I would start easy but when the gun goes off the machine starts churning.
Early on my legs felt weak and rubbery. Talking with Sandy was calming as we ran the first mile on smooth asphalt only to separate as we reached the rocky nature trails. Less than 2 miles in and the trail for the rest of the race is smooth dirt with very short, very slight inclines now and then. I had covered two miles in just over 16 minutes. At about mile 4 my legs were now warmed up and feeling strong but I was beginning to feel a little tired. A girl I had been leap frogging with was now ahead of me so I locked my sight on to her feet and fed off her pace. This was great until mile 6 where she was about to go off course. I yelled, "Hey, Hey!" she stopped and turned back around as I now took the lead with her in tow. I began passing people which only gave me more energy. Reaching the 7.5 mile aid station to cheers from the Rockhopper group I drank two cups of gatorade and received hugs and encouragement. I was surprised that I was running so well and felt good. From the beginning I was listening to my heart, and cognizant of my back which was also an issue the prior week.
With 2 1/2 miles to go the thought of placing in my age group crossed my mind. Why not? I've got to go for it. I may be well off but I don't remember too many, if any, old guys ahead of me and feeling as well as I did I decided I'd run as fast as possible with out "Blowing up." Setting my eyes on a runner up ahead I picked up the pace, catching her just before reaching the 9 mile mark. Again I locked in on her pace. Suddenly I heard breathing behind me. As I turned I saw a grey haired dude about my age! No way! Can't let this guy catch or pass me. Wait, He's not trying. He's biding his time. I'll watch him.
Come on, who doesn't feel this way? No matter your skill level. At P.E. in the elementary school yard, didn't you want to beat the kid running next to you?
Thinking I'd turn it on after we come out of the wooded trails and into the clearing I wondered if I still had enough energy in the tank. The girl in front of me was moving well and the dude behind me was now literally breathing down my neck. After coming out into the clearing the finish line is about 100 yards up the trail with a narrowing between two boulders half way there. Ten yards from those boulders I sprinted around the girl and through the gap giving it all I had. Surprisingly I still had fuel in the tank. More surprisingly the other old guy did too! I heard him right behind me! I crossed the finish line with him four seconds back at 1:25:34. Turns out I was in his age group! Later as I was awarded the first place mug and he the second place, he would say to me, "That's the first time that has ever happened to me. Damn it!" All in fun of course.!
Was it wise for me to push this hard after what I was experiencing this past week? Maybe not.  But it felt good crossing a finish line. Emotionally I'm in a better state. 24 hours later, my legs and heart have not rebelled.
At the finish line table I thanked the girl ahead of me for the ride. She thanked me for the push, and the other girl I was feeding off earlier came in and thanked me for getting her back on course. Most runners are cool people. Cool? That's old dude speak.


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Nueces 50. but 39 for me

"I'm sure glad you're not going back out. I wanted to ask you not to, but I don't like to say anything."
So said the nice lady as I sat at  the Texas Aid station Saturday. At mile 35 I realized I had bit off more than I could chew. So I walked to the mile 39 aid station and called it a day. My race was over.

I was fortunate enough to have some company driving up to the headwaters of the Nueces River. Angela was here from Montana to visit her coach, my good friend Liza, and to run the Nueces 50 miler. We had a good time chatting on the two hour drive up from San Antonio. I described the course to Angela forgetting how really rocky it actually is. It had been four years since I last ran this course.
Our Rockhopper group was well represented at this years race. We had about four cabins reserved. David from Albuquerque and I hung out and visited with folks before retiring to our 15 bed cabin. It's fun sharing a cabin with friends. You have to be careful with your normal bodily functions though. Restroom visits at night are common with me as with others, I found out. Someone did ask that the very loud air hand dryer not be used. As usual I was the first one to fall asleep and the first one up.
The 50 miler started before sunrise at 6 A.M. Early on in the dark, I chatted with Jean, Angela and Elizabeth. later I would run into Ben. My plan was to run easy and and take it as it comes. Not much of a plan huh? I had no expectations in the weeks leading up to the race but a couple of days before I wondered if I could break 12 hours. Maybe even get close to 11 hours! I decided I'd walk every incline no matter how short. That was working well for the first 17 mile loop. At the start of the second loop I thought I was still in good shape and not running too fast. The climbs seemed a bit more challenging and the day was getting hot. Earlier I had been running with my friend Fumi but now she was long gone ahead of me and moving very well. It turned into a windy clear day after a very cool morning. These type of days in the beautiful Texas Hill Country remind me of  my youth vacationing with my family, my boy scout days camping and fishing, and later as a teen attending church retreats in these hills. Fond memories.
I must have been daydreaming too much, and getting tired when I fell at about mile 25. Going down hard I must have made some noise because a runner about 30 yards ahead turned and ran back to me. I told him it felt good laying on the ground. "no, you need to get up." he said. Jerry helped me up and faded off into the woods. At this point my back began to ache as did the soles of my feet. Running on the solid rock of the dry creek bed was no help. Out of the creek, the rocks on the trail felt sharper on this second loop. After ascending the toughest climb which I would guess is over a mile long and maybe 600 feet (I wore no Garmin) the downhill going into the aid station at mile 30 did a number on my back. I've never experienced back aches on a run like I did on this day. Leaving the aid station on my way to completing loop two, my buddy Tom caught up with me on his way to finishing up his 50K. I told Tom I need to change into my Hoka running shoes to help with the beating my back, feet, and legs were taking. Tom and I chatted as we ran along the river before he ran ahead to his finish.
Arriving at the start/finish after completing two loops and 33+ miles our great group of friends tended to me as though I was leading the race. Rachel and Liza helped me to the aid station table, Tom had let the gang know I wanted a change of shoes. At our Rockhopper Aid camp, Michele and Jason changed my shoes, Kelli cut open my avocado, Jeanie peeled a tangelo for me. It was like I was in a NASCAR race and they were my pit crew. I did not tell them how much I hurt. I couldn't.
Leaving the aid station to cheers I ran through the chute and into the woods. From this point to the Texas aid station, 5 1/2 miles, I stopped three times. I was feeling dizzy (and realized later that I was not sweating). At one point my heart was beating very fast. I found some shade and sat on a rock waiting for my heart to slow down. I thought I was drinking enough. I had tried drinking more. To the point where the water was sloshing around in my stomach. Bad feeling when you're trying to run.
Arriving at the Texas aid station Mike helped me sit down. He filled my water bottles and gave me stuff to eat. Others helped by asking how I was. The nice lady smiled at me. Jean came in and asked how I was before she left with Mike pacing her. "I'm through having fun for today." I said. With a sympathetic voice, Jean asked if the heat was what got to me. I nodded but thought to myself, I don't know if it was just the heat or my body just breaking down today.
I did not want to quit but why torture myself. I thought about Ralph Macchio's character Daniel in The Karate Kid movie when he asks Miyagi to heal him so he can complete the tournament and find "balance." Miyagi responded, "win or lose, no matter." That's right Miyagi!
Dropping from this race will not define me. I have "balance" in my life.
I had fun. Making a new friend driving up, hanging out with old friends, and running with them through the beautiful Hills. As Joyce kneeled in front of me to ask how I was before driving me back to the start I said, "I'm OK, and you know, It's like Joe says, Its just a f***ing run,"
My friends still love me (Several checked in on me later that night and the next day to make sure I was OK). My wife Ron and I had a laugh when I got home as I told her she's been right all along, I'm not superman. My dog ran to me too! He offered comfort and lifted the pout off my face.